What She Taught Me...

That’s me. At one. And that’s her. My mom. Best mom ever, really. The woman who would teach me so many things. Important things. Things I couldn’t possibly know as I stood at her leisure-suited knee that day, but that I would soon find invaluable. Like how to stand up for myself. Like how to make peanut butter balls. Like how to clean the lint trap in my dryer and keep avocados from turning brown. Like how cute boys are cool in high school but the smart ones are hot in college, and the fact that leisure suits went out of style for good reason.

So on this Mother’s Day, the first one I’m spending without her, it seems only fitting that I pay tribute to her here. Share what I know because of her. Because she loved me enough to teach it to me. Because she loved me enough to let me learn them.

Mom’s Life Lesson #1: You Are Strong Enough to Handle Anything

She never told me this. She just proved it to me. It was subtle, and at times, frustrating. There was the time in third grade when I forgot my lunch and begged her (in my best pathetic voice) to bring it to me. I might die of starvation I thought. Might not make it through that grueling hour of P.E. without sustenance. Might not have the energy to trudge home lest I get a sandwich. But she wouldn’t relent. My lunch was my responsibility and if I forgot it, I needed to find a way to solve my own problem…or go hungry trying. Somehow I survived, and I never forgot my lunch again.

There was that time in high school when my first real boyfriend broke up with me. I really just wanted her sympathy. A little pity in a time of hurt. An embrace with an understanding ear while I wept on her shoulder. Instead, she told me this was my opportunity to “get back out there” and see what I’d “been missing.” She was right. There was more out there. And most of it wasn’t worth crying over.

Then there was her cancer. A mean, vicious breed of the disease that robbed her of more time here with us. And yet, once again, she demonstrated how to be strong. Strong enough to handle it. Strong enough to teach all who watched her what strength really meant.

I learned I was strong because she let me find that out for myself. She didn’t rescue me. Didn’t let me feel sorry for myself. She forced me to find my own strength. And all the while communicated without ever really saying so, that I am strong enough to handle anything. And then in the end, she served as the ultimate example.

So someday I can only hope that my girls will yearn for me to rescue them but will instead discover their best when I refuse. I can only hope that they will someday tell me that they are better because I proved they didn’t need me. She taught me well.

I am stronger because of her. Stronger because she loved me. And strong enough to handle this first Mother’s Day without her. But I wish I didn’t have to know that…

Happy Mother's Day Mom.